"When you're standing at a crossroads"

The latest news: I don't need surgery (for the moment).

I had yet another doctor's appointment (my fifth in nine days), and I was told that the MRI, which detects 85% of labral tears, shows that I don't have one. Although there's still a 15% chance that I have one, the doctor recommended against surgery because, if the labrum is in tact, then the condition I have should be resolved in other ways--namely, physical therapy. I'm not sure exactly how to take this news. On the one hand, avoiding surgery is good because anything I do will be less invasive and likely less costly. On the other hand, I doubt that physical therapy will be effective, and I don't see this condition, Femoroacetabular Impingement (FAI), going away on its own, given the structural overgrowth. I also don't think that I can continue to live with this pain and the unpredictable impact it has on my ability to be active. In short, it's getting old. In this way, surgery would be a somewhat nice resolution to the problem because it would be tangible and swift. So the news is neither good nor bad.

For the moment, I'm awaiting another opinion from my rheumatologist about the aforementioned possibility of steroid treatment. I'm hopeful that something good will come of all my visits to these doctors, even if it is a firm conclusion that I just have to live with this junk.

Besito,
A

"You gotta keep your head up..."

It's only 10:30pm, and this night owl is very tired. Why? I guess it's probably related to the early doctor's appointments I've had these past two days. Today, I returned to the same office as yesterday in order to meet with yet another doctor--a rheumatologist. She was incredibly kind and very personal, which made the super early appointment a bit more bearable. She wasn't able to pull up my x-rays from yesterday, but she seemed to think that it would be a good idea for me to have steroid treatments for one week before deciding on the surgery one way or the other. She said she has had some success treating people with this kind of a problem in that way, which would allow me to avoid surgery entirely. To that end, she is having a bunch of blood tests run on me to eliminate certain blood conditions that could cause this problem (e.g., rheumatoid arthritis), and I will have another appointment with her in the new year.

Despite all of that craziness and the fact that I'm tired, I just can't seem to will myself to sleep. I guess, to some extent, I'm looking forward to and fearful of what tomorrow holds. At a more reasonable hour, I'm going to have a trial injection in my hip (to see if Option #2 is even viable) followed by a MRI-anthrogram. I'm not exactly sure how this MRI will be different than the one I had, but, when I googled it, the images looked pretty cool. The aforementioned notwithstanding, my emotions are a mixture of excitement over the possibility that I might feel better, even if only temporarily, and fear of the possible pain and immobility that I will likely suffer for 48-hours after the injection. Keep your fingers crossed!

More updates soon...

Besito,
A

"U Got It Bad"

This is probably one of the toughest posts I've written, given the news I received this morning. After much pain and frustration over my leg/hip, I decided to have a follow-up appointment with my cousin. He took another look at my x-rays and recommended that I see another orthopedic surgeon and a rheumatologist. This morning, I went back and saw the orthopedic surgeon, who ordered additional x-rays of both sides, given that the left is also hurting these days. Upon examining the images and doing a physical examination of my range of motion, the doctor concluded that I have difficulty with inflection, among other things. He believes that the cause of these problems is an overgrowth of my hip socket along with potential problems relating to the position of the cartilage. For this kind of an issue, there are three potential treatment options--1. Change my lifestyle so as to avoid things that hurt, 2. injections of lidocaine, or 3. surgery to shave down the overgrowth and assess the condition of the cartilage. For those of you who have read this blog since January 3, the start of my weightloss journey, you know that number 1 is not an option. At this age, I am too young to give up everything, and I won't settle for that. Number two sounds more appealing and less invasive, but the doctor says that it may only relieve a small portion of the pain and is not sustainable because, over time, the injections will have less and less of an effect. Now, I'm really left with option 3. While it sounds like the best option available, the doctor warned me that, it may only relieve 70-80% of the pain and that, depending upon the condition of my cartilage, I may never be able to run again. Although I can deal with the idea of having some residual pain, the thought of never running again is really heartbreaking. So much of the person I've become is attributable to my new-found passion for running. He said that I would be able to elliptical and do other activities, but I just don't think it'll be the same. In any case, that's getting ahead of things, given that I still have to get an MRI to confirm the doctor's diagnosis, and I am also going to get a second opinion from a rheumatologist.

Still, I am incredibly blessed to have a wonderful, supportive group of people on my team--both friends and family. Thank you all for sticking with me during this difficult time. You carry me through times like these with your optimism and good wishes. I appreciate it more than you know.

Much love,
A

"I Like it Like That..."

It's amazing the way that a day can change a mindset. That sounds really stupid, but my injury has given me cause to reflect on the way that so much happens in 24-hours. Yesterday, my leg was bothering me in a way that it hasn't for several weeks. I was somewhat down, thinking about the fact that I've really done everything I can think of to make this healing process go more smoothly. I've done physical therapy for twice as long as they claim would have been necessary, I've stopped doing physical therapy, I've prayed, I've rested for days at a time, I've done light activity, I've jogged/walked a 5K, I've stretched, yada yada yada. You get the picture. The point is that it seems like there's no rhyme or reason for my leg hurting or not hurting, as the days go by. It's random. In law school and in my life generally, I operate on the assumption that most things can be explained by logic, which is what makes this injury so troubling. A friend tried to cheer me up yesterday by reminding me that I'll pull through it simply because that's what I do. I appreciated the thought, but I also told him that I was pretty much giving up.

Fast forward to today.

I woke up and started off the day on a really positive note. For the first time in a while, I rolled over while in bed and didn't feel any shooting pains. Strange, I thought. After I dragged myself out of bed, I got on the scale for the first time in weeks, and I had lost 1.6 lbs. I'm not sure if that was the result of not really eating yesterday due to my hip pains and consequent lack of mobility or something magical in the Insomnia Cookie I ate last night, but I'll take it. Next, I walked down the stairs and noticed that my leg wasn't having its regular issues. The aforementioned notwithstanding, it's not perfect, but, compared to yesterday, today is amazing. Add to that a study break to eat dinner (and more cookies) while catching up with a friend who I hadn't talked to in a while...recipe for awesome. It's weird for me to think that these two consecutive days have been opposite extremes, and I'm just hoping that tomorrow doesn't switch back to the bad side. Here's hoping this is a positive trend and doesn't have a sudden crash. Maybe the solution is to get Tim Tebow to pray for my leg...I wonder if it works that way. Hmmm...

On that note, back to my silly take-home exam.

Hope y'all are doing well.


Un besito muy grande,
A

"Nothing you confess could make me love you less...I'll stand by You..."

As I write this new entry, my blog has had nearly 5100 hits since its inception in May 2010. For some reason, you all keep on reading this thing. I guess that means that you think I have something interesting/stupid/funny/(insert other self-deprecating adjective) to say. I'm honored. I know that not all of my posts have been uplifting or enlightening and not all of them have been altogether that interesting--I mean, how many times can you read about me losing or gaining 0.2lbs and getting excited about baby steps? Nevertheless, y'all have stuck with me through this process, and I hope you're along for the long ride. There's still a lot more ahead...starting with the stories and musings below...

Today, I'm happy. I'm not exactly sure why. Well, to be fair, there are some things that explain at least some portion of my cheery mood...

1. I jogged/walked a 5K today in the Jingle Bell 5K Run/Walk. Unlike the Hot Chocolate Race from a few weeks ago, I actually jogged some parts of this one. I kinda had to, given how cold it was today. Nevertheless, it felt good just to be out there. As a result of my odd jog/walk combination, I found myself slightly ahead of the slowest runners but also behind the pack of competitive runners. It was an interesting position because I could have easily slowed down even though so much lay ahead of me. Instead, I kept mentally pushing myself, even when my legs wouldn't go. The race was really a good time for self-reflecting...thinking about where I've been, where I'm going, and what I want. On the top of that list, of course, I want my hip/leg to get better. It and I have been through a lot of ups and downs, and I look forward to being able to really run again...soon, hopefully.

2. There have been some really positive things that have occurred with my friends. Without naming names, a lot of people have touched me recently. They have gone out of their way to make me feel special, through Starbucks dates or through conversations reaffirming our friendship. It sounds really sappy and perhaps even a bit cliche, but there is something to the fact that the low points in life are better when we are carried by our friends. As much as I find joy in helping others, especially my friends, it has been nice to feel surrounded by people who have taken the time to help me or to reaffirm my thoughts about myself. To those of you who have done this, I cannot tell you how thankful I really am.

On that note, I will close this post with a single thought--despite the fact that I have changed a lot (and hopefully for the better) since I started this blog, I know that I am not yet perfect. Coach Gaines, in the movie Friday Night Lights, says "[b]eing perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didn't let them down, because you told them the truth. And that truth is that you did everything that you could. There wasn't one more thing that you could've done." I welcome the opportunity to be better...to be a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter, and, all around, a better person. I hope that you will help me determine how to do that. In exchange, I promise to stand by you...my loyalty, my honesty, and my friendship. Deal?

To all of my law school friends using this as a study break, I hope you've enjoyed this, and I wish you all good luck on finals.

Un besito,
Doble A

On Giving Thanks...

I woke up this morning at 6:30, and, for those of you who know me, you must be wondering, "What in the world would actually motivate Alyse to get out of bed at that hour, especially on Thanksgiving day?" Surprisingly, it wasn't a pair of shoes, a designer handbag, or anything materialistic. Well, in fairness, they did give me a tech t-shirt that is pretty neat, but that really wasn't it. I decided two weeks ago that I wasn't going to let my injury preclude me from participating in the Turkey Trot, as I had intended when I started Operation Slim & Fit Alyse. Of course, back then, I would not have predicted that I would participate as a volunteer rather than as a runner. Nevertheless, I'm glad I did it. I did have a tough time watching all of the runners go by and thinking about how much I wanted to be with them. At the same time, it makes me appreciate what running has/had become in my life. It is the best way for me to deal with life's stresses and successes. It is how I balance things. It is the best way for me to challenge myself. PattiSue Plumer, a U.S. Olympian, once said, "Racing teaches us to challenge ourselves. It teaches us to push beyond where we thought we could go. It helps us to find out what we are made of. This is what we do. This is what it's all about." It is my hope that recovery will hasten for exactly that reason. As many of you know, I've been injured since August 5, which means that today is day 111 of being injured. I'm ready for it to be day 111 of being able to run again. Here's hoping it comes sooner...your prayers and concern have not gone unnoticed, I assure you.

On this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for many things and many people, but, rather than attempting to list all of them, I'll just say thanks. Thank you for supporting me during the good and the bad, for putting up with my idiosyncracies (and even enjoying them sometimes), for sharing parts of your life with me and for making my life better simply because you are a part of it. I raise a glass to everyone who has touched and will touch my heart. Keep being you.


Un monton de gracias,
A

Keeping My Head in the Game

Since I last wrote, surprisingly little has changed. I had been making some steady progress with my leg to the point where my physical therapist, Rebecca, had me jogging on the treadmill. It felt good enough that she said I could and should jog the following day on my own. Given my excitement, I followed her instructions and jogged a little at the gym, only to discover that I could no longer walk at the end of my exercise. Since then, the injury seems to be neither progressing or regressing. Of course, there was a rather major setback after I walked the Hot Chocolate 5K this weekend with my college roomie, Lizz (pictured below - Lizz's sister, Lizz, and me) . Hours after the race, I suddenly couldn't lift my leg. Same old same old.



I'm hoping that I'll be fully healed by Thanksgiving, but I'm having my doubts. Rebecca has confidence that I'll be ready to go by December 4 and even encouraged me to sign up for the Jingle Bell 5K Run/Walk, a charity fundraiser for arthritis. If you're interested, please feel free to make a donation at http://jinglebellchampaign.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=484804&lis=1&kntae484804=ADDF5E87CC2242778620352ABF164D0D&supId=344819835.

Otherwise, not much else is going on recently. Hope to have more news (and better news) soon.

Besito,
A

"I won’t run, I won’t fly, I will never make it by without you"

The title of this post probably best describes my feelings toward my leg right now. After much deliberating and a bit of encouragement from one of my blog readers, I'm back. I can't promise that the posts will be super uplifting or exciting, seeing as my exercise currently consists of physical therapy and the exercises they told me to do at home. Still, I know that this blog is a source of strength and inspiration for me, and I hope that you all will still find it interesting to read.

On that note...here's a brief update:

I've been busy trying to show my leg who's boss, going to physical therapy three times a week. My physical therapist is really intent on strengthening the entire leg, which seems like a really good approach. I was very frustrated with the whole process until this week because it felt like nothing was really changing. All of a sudden, though, it seems like things are getting easier. I moved from the green theraband to the blue one, which is an improvement. I also am having less trouble walking and doing the things that really hurt, especially getting in/out of my bad or my car. Given how horrible it once was, this change has really makes me feel like I'm headed in the right direction. Of course, I'm very disappointed that I'll still have to walk the Hot Chocolate Race this coming weekend, rather than running it, but walking is something I couldn't do three months ago. I guess it's why they say, "every little victory is a piece of the puzzle." I hope that there will be more little victories this week to report here.

Otherwise, I'm trying to get back into the diet again. Unfortunately, I've been very busy recently, which has diminished the time I have to prepare healthy food for myself. It's also been tough with all of these great new restaurants coming in and wanting to try them with my friends. C'est la vie. I guess it's good preparation for life in the real world--trying to still maintain my focus while eating at restaurants and being social. For now, I'm going to do as much as I can and try to pick it up in full-force as soon as my silly leg is fully healed.

That's all for now.

Besito,
A

"Every Rose Has Its Thorns"

As per usual, there is both good news and bad news -

GOOD NEWS:
1. I do not have a stress fracture. I went to the see my cousin, the orthopedic surgeon, on Friday, and, after a lovely battery of tests, he determined that I do not have a stress fracture in my femur.
2. The Illini are 5-0 for the first time since forever! I guess I may actually have to develop more than a passive interest in my school's team.
3. My brother is officially back in Chicago. I spent a portion of the morning helping him move into his new apartment. I am very excited for him in both his new job and being in the city he's always truly called home.


Now...
BAD NEWS:
1. I have a severe tear of soft muscle tissue. This will necessitate anti-inflammatories on a regular basis as well as physical therapy 2-3 times a week for four weeks. The worst part of this diagnosis is that it makes it extremely unlikely that I will be able to run in the Hot Chocolate 15K that I signed up for this summer, as it will happen on November 5. Of course, since optimistic little me continued to believe that it might be possible, I didn't sign up for the MPRE and will have to take it still in March. :( I guess, of course, the counters to this are that: 1) my cousin told me that I should be okay to swim (after which I went and purchased a bathing suit that fit me); and 2) I will hopefully be well enough after the therapy to be able to start running again.
2. I miss the city a ton. I went to dinner with my brother and a few of his friends last night, and I kept thinking..."Wow, I wish I lived here still." I know it's silly to complain, but I really do miss Chicago and being closer to my family. Although Champaign isn't that far away, it still is far enough away to notice a difference and to yearn for the things that are here when I'm down at school. The truly strange thing, however, is that I also love the times I have had with my friends recently. Although my first semester of 3L year hasn't been as relaxing as I would have hoped, I have enjoyed the opportunity to kick back and relax with everyone. I'm sad that I won't be at school for the next two weekends, making it three weekends in a row away from school, but I'm looking forward to Halloween and eventually celebrating my birthday--seeing as I will be a quarter-century old.

That's really all for now.


Besito,
A

"Never Say Never"...except when it's true.

Hey All,
I'm starting to think that my leg may never fully heal. I know, never say never. I know that optimism may help me heal. I also know that my leg has hurt me for nearly two months now. As much as I am trying to find the silver lining in all of this and to keep my head up, it's truly very challenging. Every time that I think my leg is healed, I have some kind of a setback. This time, I'm not even sure what it was, but, if I had to guess, it would probably be the awesome dancing that I did on Friday night when I was out with my friends. Totally worth it! In any case, I've reached the end of my ability to just sit back and ignore this problem or let it heal itself, and I've decided that student health isn't worth my time. Instead, I'm going to head home on Thursday so I can see my cousin, an orthopedic surgeon, on Friday morning. I really hope that he can pinpoint the problem and provide some kind of a solution, even if it will take a while to implement/resolve things. Mostly, I'm just so tired of not knowing if/when I'll be able to walk normally and maybe even run some day.

Sorry for the relatively sad post...hopefully, the next one will be more uplifting.

Beso,
A

You Make Me Feel Good...Or Not.

Once again, I've fallen behind on my updates. My apologies. Between working at the courthouse, school, and taking care of my turtle (I mentioned, I now own a turtle, right?), I've been rather busy. I didn't expect 3L year to be this busy, but I guess this is typical of my life. Unless I'm actually on vacation, I seem to always be busy doing something. Of course, that doesn't seem to include going to the gym these days. On Sunday, I went and set out to walk for a while. However, the inner runner in me got frustrated. Though I may like strolling around the Botanic Gardens when I'm home or walking along the beach, powerwalking in the gym doesn't seem to do the same thing for me. After walking 0.75 miles, I sprinted the remaining 0.25. I don't know what it is, but I just have this feeling inside that makes me really want to run. I finished up my workout with my sit up and arm routines, but I felt a bit defeated. My legs told me that I'm still not fully recovered, which made me lack the confidence to do anything else and made me question the wisdom of returning this week. As such, I've concluded that I need to start swimming. That seems to be the number one thing that runners do when they are injured, and, as a novice runner, I will follow them.

Nevertheless, the week has been alright. I had the willpower to resist the mound of candy on the table during a group project, and I have still been eating healthy. I'm down 23.2lbs, which is still 4.8lbs above where I was at the beginning of the summer. Still, I have confidence that I can get back to where I started, especially given this new swimming idea. On that note, I leave you with a video and a pics of my cute and crazy turtle Karoline.



Karoline doing the usual and swimming into the glass.



This shows you all how small she is.



This is her home. :)


Besito,
Alyse and Karoline

Almost back where I started...

As of this morning, I've lost 22.8lbs. Some of you will remember that I had lost 28lbs before starting my summer associateship and that I gained back 8lbs over the summer (net 20lbs down), from a terrific and terrible combination of not exercising, and wining and dining with the firm. In truth, I wouldn't have traded my summer experience for anything, but I was left to face the "fun" of re-losing those 8lbs and losing an additional 15lbs. Of course, this hasn't been made any easier by all of my leg issues, but, on the bright side, I have already lost 2.8lbs since two weeks ago. Not all is lost. Sure, I still have another 20.2lbs to lose this year, but I feel confident that I can do it. It seems to all be a matter of perspective and patience. From my viewpoint, I have lost 35% of the weight I gained this summer and am over 10% toward my goal. Not bad for two week's work. Here's hoping that the next two weeks bring me even closer to where I started at the beginning of the summer.

Besito,
A

Patience...a virtue I sometimes lack.

Hey All,
I have once again been very busy and failed to keep up on my posting. I had wanted to wait until I received some pictures of my weekend in California for Dan's deployment, but those will have to wait for another day. Amazingly enough, the trip didn't have any impact on my weightloss, despite all of the eating we did. In the days since then, however, I have managed to gain a little. :( It probably doesn't help that I went tailgating yesterday and haven't been very active, given the difficulties I have encountered with my leg. Although I am back to eating healthy again, I still am feeling very anxious about returning to the gym. My legs keep showing signs that they too want to go for a run, but I have to restrain myself. On a day like today, I would like nothing more than to even be able to go for a walk, but I'm following my better wisdom and giving it another week of feeling good before I do anything more strenuous than my daily activities. I have contemplated some arms and abs routines, but I'm still not sure if that would pacify me. As you can probably tell from this post, patience with regard to losing weight is not my forte. Ugh...

Neverthless, I'm going to keep my head in the game and try to remember that there's always next week.

Besito,
Alyse

Trying to Stay Positive

Today has been an interesting one. I woke up this morning and re-started one of my favorite rituals--weighing myself. I had lost another 1.2lbs since my last post. Pretty exciting way to start the day.

My happiness, however, was immediately tempered by the reappearance of shooting pain in my leg. And so, the "issue" has returned. It's the biggest source of anger, stress, frustration, and, mostly, sadness. I keep driving by people who are outside for a brisk walk or a fun run through the trails, and something inside me starts to get angry. I know that this is the voice of jealousy speaking, telling me that it wants to go running so badly. Nevertheless, I can barely walk, which means that running is absolutely out of the question. Sigh...

My day seemed to be at equilibrium throughout classes--mainly because they were uneventful yet mildly interesting. Then, things seemed to pick up when I went to a BBQ and spent some time just enjoying the view from my chair, catching up with some friends and eating some good grub. However, that good feeling would only last until I got up, which made me realize that I needed to go home and take care of my leg. After a brief meeting, I finally made it home and decided to heat up my ice/heat pack, only to make the thing explode. Awesome.

Needless to say, I hope that tomorrow is a better day and that my doctor's appointment goes well. Wish me luck.

Besito,
A

"I'll Drink to That"

This post will be short but sweet. I don't want to overdo it and create a "muscle or ligament issue" in my arms to match my legs, but I thought I might update y'all on two very interesting pieces of news:

1. Despite not working out (due to my leg issues) and my out of control eating yesterday, I lost 0.8lbs since three days ago. Although this means that I am down only 21lbs after this summer, I am impressed at my body's ability to come through. This is especially interesting given my lack of significant physical activity and the fact that, after the BigLawFirm LLP diet, I was only down 18lbs three weeks ago. In light of this revelation, I've decided to start logging my food on LoseIt again. This way, I will be eating healthy in order to compensate for my inability to really do much else. Every little bit counts...

2. As of this moment, there have been 3600 visits to this blog. I have to pause and thank all of you for all of your support. I've been looking back at pictures of me from last year at this time and have noticed a difference--something that would not have been as easy without all of you keeping tabs on me. Even recently, I have appreciated all of the concern everyone has shown about my ability to walk, and I can't thank you enough for all of your kindness in that regard. Please don't stop, and please don't hesitate to let me know if I can ever repay you in some way.

That's all for now. Back to being a 3L on a Sunday afternoon.

Besito,
A

Getting back into it...

The title of this post reflects my desire to both get my head back into school and to start blogging again. I have found that I am lacking the motivation to really hit the books, which I guess is okay for the moment. Nevertheless, I don't want it to become a pattern and then lose all of the good behaviors that I have developed over the past 18 years of education. Yeah, I am in the nineteenth grade now. Insane.

As I mentioned above, I have also been really bad about keeping up this blog, for which I apologize to all of y'all. The main reason it hasn't been so active is because I haven't been able to exercise due to my leg injury, which somehow spread from my right to my left leg. It has been an incredibly painful experience, with very little relief. Luckily, I no longer have trouble sleeping through the night and the shooting pains are gone. Still, the doctor advised me not to engage in any physical activity until I was completely better. :( As a result, my plans about getting back in the gym have been stifled, and I have become rather lazy. Nonetheless, I feel that I should keep this blog updated as a way of reminding myself what comes after my legs are healed. Hope that happens sooner rather than later.

Besito,
A

Keeping It All in Perspective

The past 10 days have been a microcosm of the rest of the summer. There were tremendous highs, harsh lows, and lots in between. I headed into the week fresh off of a weekend with my brother, during which we saw went on many fun adventures. On Friday, we saw the White Sox beat the Red Sox in resounding fashion in the ninth inning.



If you look to the far right, you will see my brother standing up in a white/blue shirt, and I am seated to the left of him. Pretty awesome seats, if you ask me! After the game, we hung out at my apartment for a while before calling it a night. We both needed the rest and ended up unexpectedly sleeping until noon, at which point we went for a long walk from my apartment to Old Town. On Saturday night, I met up with some law school friends for one last hurrah. We started at a piano bar and then Mita and I ended up traipsing around River North before ending up at Hub 51--one of my favorite places in this city. To an extent, the end of the night made me feel like I had come full circle, given my first real night out in Chicago this summer was with Mita, as per the photo below.



On Sunday, the pressure hit. The day started with a disappointing end to my sand volleyball team's season (we ended the season undefeated and were a No. 1 seed in the playoffs before losing to the No. 17 seed in the first round). However, the match was rather memorable to me personally in that I spiked the ball during the game for the first time since I started playing volleyball in 3rd grade, and it went over too. Shocking, I know! After the game, I scurried home to do some work, taking breaks mostly to watch my new favorite show - Friday Night Lights.

It's fair to say that I had anticipated that the coming week would be relatively busy, given the amount of projects I had taken on during the summer. I still had 5 open projects as of Monday, and I was slightly worried about that fact. We were told at our Tuesday morning breakfast that, if we had all of our work in early, the summer committee might be able to make offers to us as early as Friday--all of our last days at the firm. For thatt reason, i tried to power through everything. Unfortunately, one of my projects suddenly took off, and I needed to shuffle everything else in order to do my part. Consequently, I ended up pushing everything until Wednesday and Thursday, staying late both nights. The aforementioned was made better by the fact that some of the associates on my floor stayed late as well, and we all ended up ordering pizza together. In a strange way, it reminded me of my high school debate days combined with some aspects of sorority life. We were all in it together, pulling late hours, working hard, yet still enjoying the experience because of the company. Finally, at 11pm on Thursday night, I had turned in all 16 of my summer assignments. As a result, I was warned that I likely would not hear anything definitive about an offer until Tuesday, with my coordinator noting that "it will be like all of the other summer associates are celebrating Christmas, and you're the only one left out." Ironic, of course, given the fact that my family is Jewish. Nevertheless, at 2:30pm on Friday, I was told that I had earned an offer of permanent employment at my firm. Since I was not expecting to hear until Tuesday, I was shocked and very excited. Really, "was" probably isn't the appropriate verb...I am shocked and excited. Of course, saying my goodbyes was rather difficult. I had the pleasure of meeting so many brilliant people this summer that limiting my list of goodbyes was the only thing more difficult than the goodbyes themselves. When I finally turned in my cardkey and my computer, I breathed a sigh of relief and simultaneously contemplated pinching myself in order to ensure that this whole thing has not been some kind of a prolonged and elaborate dream. The jury is still out on that one.

Since all of the summers received offers, we went to South Branch (another of my favs) after work to celebrate. It was great to see everyone one last time, and, yet, it was strange to think that I won't see some of those people for another year or two years, depending upon whether they decide to pursue a clerkship. For that reason, the evening was bittersweet.

However, it quickly took a turn for the worst. As soon as I entered my apartment, the pain in my leg from earlier in the week became debilitating. I decided to lay down and watch some Friday Night Lights on my computer while letting my leg rest and, hopefully, recover. It didn't. Instead, the pains continued and became even sharper, shooting up and down my thigh as well as from my inner thigh to the area near my hip. When I woke up this morning, I decided I would attempt to walk over to Walgreens in order to pick up some pain medication, only to realize that I had lost my wallet. Lovely. Given my condition, I have spent most of the past 24 hours in bed.

I guess the totality of the circumstances support the oft-cited phrase, "You take the good with the bad" or the more cliched version, "Every rose has its thorns." On balance, the past 10 days have been dramatic, busy, exciting, nerve-racking, painful and yada yada yada. However, the most important things have been positive, and the negative things are, hopefully, only temporary. My leg has started to feel better, and no one was able to use my credit cards before I canceled them. So, I'll move on.

Now that my time as a summer associate is over, there is much to reflect on and ponder. I still haven't fully processed all of it, and, similar to the celebratory drinks, this moment is bittersweet. I look forward to relaxing before starting up again at school, but I also really found my rhythm at work this summer and met some great people with whom I hope to keep in contact. At the same time, I look forward to returning to the gym and renewing my commitment to my physical well-being. Of course, that requires my leg to be in working condition, so it may have to wait another week or so.

I know there is much more to share, but it will have to wait until next time.

Un besito,
Alyse

Catching up and bouncing back

So, seemingly, a lot has happened since I last posted. I just finished my seventh week of work and cannot believe how the time has flown. Although I am very much the same person, I've discovered some new things about myself and changed some others. I've had a lot of fun, both at and outside of work, always accompanied by way too much food. Sadly, I've bounced back up a little in weight (3-4lbs above the low), some of which is due to the fact that I've been sick for 9 days now. This cold is truly preventing me from re-starting my running and workout routine because, although my feet are ready and roaring to go, my lungs and nasal cavities are not. I'm not sure if this cold set in because of the temperature change between my walk to work and my office or merely being tired, but, whatever it is, I wish the cold would go away. In fact, I need it to go away. I guess patience is something that I'm still learning...

In any case, all is not lost. I've been to several baseball games, too many lunches to count, etc. All in all, it's been a good time. I tend to think that my firm is a bit more conservative than others in terms of its summer program, with the advantage being that I feel like I have a realistic sense of what it is going to be like (fingers crossed) to work there. Just have to set out to enjoy the coming year of law school and see what it brings me.

In the meantime, I recently acquired a Kindle and am excited about the five books that I just downloaded. I think I'll go tend to those.

Until next time.

Besito,
A

Breakfast in Bed - Restarting

After thinking that I had gained 1.4lbs this week, I took a detour and treated myself to Chik-Fil-A...yum! I was a bit nervous this morning when I went to weigh myself, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had re-lost 0.6lbs. While this still means that I'm up 0.8 since starting work, given what we have been eating, I'm relatively impressed. Yes, I know that I need to kick it back into gear, but, still, this state of affairs is pretty okay by me.

That being said, I think I'm restarting on the right note - treating myself to a healthy breakfast in bed (one egg, one egg white, whole grain english muffin, and an apple with low-fat swiss cheese). Yum!!! I also signed up for a 15k (http://www.hotchocolate15k.com/) as an early birthday present to myself, since it is happening two days after my 25th birthday. CRAZY!

Hopefully, this will be the kickoff of getting back into the negative. I know it's going to be tough given the lunches and dinner events, but I think I can do this. Who's with me?

Meh...hoping to get back at it.

This weekend was a lot of fun. I mean it...a LOT of fun. I ended the work week with an impromptu mani/pedi at a new nail place that is closer to my apartment and so much better than the place I went to two weeks ago. After that, the fun really began. My brother came in town and spent most of the weekend with me, hanging out with his high school friends, and just catching up. Aside from some terrible German food and some equally horrific Mexican food, we had a great time. We even went to the Old Town Art Festival and ran into random people we knew from the past. Crazy. I really can't wait until Eric and I are in the same city and not just visiting each other. Life is better when he's around and not just on the phone. :)

That being said, I need to re-focus. I've strayed from my workout plans and my diet. No, I haven't completely screwed up, but this past week has not been so great. I haven't weighed myself in several days, but I know that I wouldn't be happy with what I saw if I did step on the scale. For that reason, I need to get back on track and remember to remain committed to my health. Of course, there's a work dinner tomorrow night in Chinatown...ugh.

"So live YOUR life"

Week One of work is history. I have enjoyed the assignments so far and am looking forward to the rest of the summer. I can't really say much more about work other than to note that the people are simply incredible. It's truly a privilege to be surrounded by such smart, hardworking, and accomplished individuals.

In light of my last post, I feel inclined to briefly note that the food situation has not been problematic. I continued to lose weight this week, despite being treated to a feast on Thursday night and several lunches and breakfasts. It seems like maintaining or losing weight will not be too difficult, given that everyone at the firm seems to be obsessed with the cafe's yogurt and granola parfait. I have yet to check out the firm's gym and didn't really have the time to use the one in my apartment building, but I'm hoping to change that this coming week.

I have to go run some errands, mainly because my professional clothing is already starting to be loose on me. Pretty bittersweet, but I guess I brought this upon myself. As my friend Josh would say, "It's a good problem to have."

Until later,
A

The calm before the storm...

It's probably been too long since my last post, and I'm bound to forget some of what has happened. In any case, the past few weeks have been both relaxing and hectic--relaxing because I haven't had the stresses of law school, but hectic because I've been doing so many other things. I've been replacing my wardrobe, slowly but surely, at least for the summer. Since I still plan on losing more weight, I haven't completely replaced everything, but I have acquired a ton of new work clothes for my job this summer, as it probably wouldn't be so impressive to show up at the law firm in a suit that's two sizes too big.

In addition to the endless shopping, I ran a 5K this past Saturday, a charity run benefiting ALS research. I really enjoyed the run, save for the part when I was nauseated after crossing the finish line. Otherwise, the run was great. It was something that, 6 months ago, I would have never voluntarily done, and I completed it in an acceptable amount of time--nothing great but still better than my last 5K (before I started to lose weight). I'm poised to be running in a few more races this summer and only hope my time will continue to get better.

Otherwise, I've just been resting and preparing for my summer job. I moved into my apartment in the city yesterday, and I am very excited about it. The place is a perfect fit for me, and the building has a gym and a rooftop pool. Please don't all try to come over at once!!! Haha.

On a more general note, I'm very thankful for everyone who has been so supportive of me recently. Whether through encouraging posts on Facebook or otherwise, my success with my weightloss and in my other endeavors has been made easier because of all of you. While I haven't been focusing on losing weight during the past two weeks, I know that I need to get back at it. This is the calm before the storm--a summer that is likely going to be full of plentiful drinks and fine dining. I only hope that y'all will push me to stick with it. Thanks in advance for your continued support.

Besito,
A

25 Down: "All the right moves...so yeah, we're going down."

It's official. Down 25lbs. I almost pinched myself when I saw it on the scale because it's hard to believe I've made it this far. I've never made this long of a commitment to my health, and I'm excited to see all that there is to come. While I'm somewhat nervous for all of the wining and dining this summer, I just have to keep it all in control. I know that I can survive this summer calorically, even if it seems scary right now.

In any case, I better get going - errands and miles to run, as the 5K is coming up on Saturday and I start work in two weeks!!! Went shopping for new professional clothes since my whole wardrobe doesn't fit...more on that later.

Besito,
A

"Feels like I've waited so long for this, I wonder if it shows..."

This will probably be my last post from Chambana until August -- I know, I'm just as sad as y'all that I won't be in the cornfields for three months...which is to say, not sad at all. I will say this, I ran a 5K in the cornfields yesterday and really enjoyed myself. It's the first time I've run outside since October, and it felt like a breath of fresh air, minus the humidity. It was also pretty crazy because in the middle of my run, it started to rain -- which was both nasty and refreshing.

After my run, I showered up and headed out to the End of the Year Party. It was great fun to see everyone, some for the last time and others for the last time until August. It's hard to believe that another year has gone by. Clearly, a lot of things have changed since school started in the fall and since I started this weight loss journey in January. Many of my classmates approached me last night to comment on the physical changes, which was a welcomed surprise. I guess I am having a hard time noticing the physical changes separate and apart from the numerical change on the scale. With the exception of breathing easier when I run and my clothing not fitting, I don't really notice much of a difference physically. From what I've read, the eyes/brain are slow to catch up with reality in terms of weight loss. I guess I still see myself as Old Alyse to some extent for that reason. Nonetheless, I felt much more like my old self last night, and I can't wait to see what it's like in the Fall. For any 3Ls reading this, I will miss you very very very much. Now, get back to studying for the bar!!!

Now, I'm just packing. Bleh. It's really not very fun seeing as I'm also getting rid of clothing that doesn't fit, which is hard. It's hard to let go of so many items with which I have such a positive association, but I know it's for the best. I chose to do this, and the consequence is that I'm going to have to let go of this silly sentimental attachment and buy new clothing for new memories. With each item I give away, I'm reaffirming my commitment to never go back. Still, it's hard.

In any case, I better get back to packing so that I can hopefully finish and then go for a quick run, especially considering that I signed up for a 5K next week. Yay.

More updates later.


Besito,
A

Who says you're the only one that's hurting...trust me, that's the price of beauty!

There are so many song lyrics that capture my feelings right now. I retitled this blog post at least three times, probably more like five. Shhh, don't judge! I really should be studying for my final on Friday, but I kinda felt the need to sit down and write a short update. I've been hanging out with one of my law school friends a lot recently, a simply amazing and selfless individual - the kind you never expect to find in a law school, let alone in a profession like this. She has probably been the most supportive person during this journey and was actually one of the first people to find out about it. Unlike many others, she doesn't get jealous and doesn't even sigh when I probably talk a bit too much about my diet and my weightloss. Our friendship has become one of those in which we would both do almost anything for the other. It truly is a beautiful thing. Tonight presented us with a new opportunity in our friendship - I actually got to be supportive for her. I introduced her to my favorite therapy - being at the ARC (U of I's nicer gym). Although the cute boys must have been at home studying, it was therapeutic nonetheless, helping both my friend and I get our minds off of the stress of finals, among other things.

After she left, I kicked it into the highest gear I could find and ended up running three one-mile intervals. I haven't run that far at one time since October and definitely not as quickly as I did tonight. I simply feel fantastic, and I have to give thanks to my friend for putting me in the right mindset to do that.

For all of my law school friends reading this, I'm going to keep it short so y'all can get back to the plague that is studying. Wishing everyone the best of luck during the marathon that is law school finals season. We've got this! "Greatness is what we're on the brink of."

Oh, and I'm officially down 22.8lbs, in case anyone is keeping tabs. :)

Besito,
A

"One Step at a Time" (even if it's one step back)

This week has probably been one of the most stressful of my academic career, which makes the fact that I ended up gaining a little this week not so big of a deal. I started the week down another 1.6 and ended the week up 0.4. In the scheme of things, it's not a big deal. I know that I need to keep my mind in the game and try not to gain during these next few days, since it's finals time. In order to remind myself of how far I've come, I looked up things that weigh 20lbs, and, ironically, what came up? A TIRE! I have lost a "spare tire," most of which came from my thighs and stomach. Crazy! I must say, the place where I notice it the most is in my upper arms. I've been taking pictures of my progress and noticed last night that my arms are so much more toned than they were in the same outfit in late December (before I started this journey). In any case, before I begin to dissect and analyze my progress, boring y'all to death, I'll just conclude that this process takes changes that occur one step at a time, and, while this week was a step backward, I know it's not the beginning of a trend in that direction. I'm still 20.6steps ahead and look forward to many more.


Besito,
A

Cause for Celebration

As Passover and life without chametz is nearing its end and as my Christian friends celebrated Easter yesterday, the end of Lent, I am struck by the way in which we celebrate the end but often not the middle or the beginning of things. Of course, we do rejoice at the birth of a new baby, but we celebrate that event at the end of yet another year of life. Sure, we celebrate the New Year, but we are also celebrating the end of the previous year. In any case, you get my point, I hope. In the past day or so, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the way in which weight-loss has changed me, and I think a fair amount of it has to do with my mindset. As a general principle, I aim to focus on the beginning and the middle, recognizing that, for most of the things I am doing, there really is no exact end. While my weight loss will eventually come to an end, this journey is continuous. Since this is not a diet but, rather, a new "way of life," I am actually somewhat afraid of reaching my goal. I have enjoyed some incredible support from family, friends, and quasi-strangers (referring to those of you who are my friends on LoseIt), and I am worried about having a definitive end. It's probably premature for me to be thinking about this problem already, but I've found that a decent amount of my success can be attributed to planning ahead and mentally rehearsing for the things to come. When I step on the scale each time, I close my eyes and say a little prayer. Before I open my eyes, I remind myself to see the good that I have accomplished and to not be deterred by minor setbacks. It is for that reason that I haven't given up yet and will not quit until I am where I want to be. In preparation for the end of this particular portion of my journey, I have set my sights on several different running goals. I won't bore y'all to death by listing all of them, but I'm interested in:

1. Running a (half-)marathon
2. Running a mile in less than 9 minutes
3. Running an 8K in less than an hour
(among others).

Of course, such events will require me to purchase more workout clothing--which is the activity that has replaced my unconditional love for shopping for everyday items. Oh shucks!!! It's a difficult life, but someone has to do it. :)

In any case, I better get back to writing my paper. This week is a rather busy one with lots of burdensome tasks and exciting rewards. I am EXTREMELY excited to see my law school mentor/role model for life on Tuesday--she knows who she is. <3

Until then, un beso.
A

Halfway There: No Looking Back

I started my weight-loss journey on January 3, and today is April 23. So far, it's been 111 days or 9,590,400 minutes (roughly). It's hard for me to remember what it was like those first few days, both because of everything else going on and because of my desire to live in the moment. What I do remember quite well was looking at the scale in my bathroom and deciding that January 3 would be the first day of the rest of my life. "Fat Alyse," as I call her, would begin to disappear. While she had a nice sense of humor and a winning smile, her thinner counterpart was entirely hidden from the world. In fact, she had been hidden for so long that I barely remember what she looked like.

Now, nearly 4 months later, a lot has changed. Over Spring Break, a few weeks ago now, I tried on my Bat Mitzvah suit from when I was thirteen, and it fit. Granted, the slit was a bit higher than I remember, but, otherwise, it was wearable. Pretty crazy. However, that moment was rather interesting because a girl's Bat Mitzvah is said to be one of the biggest milestones in her life. Today, I am celebrating a different kind of milestone--I'm halfway to my weight-loss goal. I've lost 21lbs and am very proud of how far I've come. I am mindful of the fact that the road is still uphill, but I think I know what it takes.

Rather than droning on about myself or delving into other non-weight-loss topics, I want to leave you with a quote that someone shared with me from my weight-loss website:
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."


Un Monton de Besos,
A

On Losing Weight During Passover - Freeing Myself From My Personal Slavery

I wasn't going to post again before Passover seder tonight, but an email from a rabbi in town has put me in a particularly analytical mood, which means that, if you're reading this, you'll have to bear with my ramblings on this topic.

In Rabbi Dovid's email, he discusses the importance of the phrase at the beginning of the Haggadah, inviting "[a]ll who are hungry, come and eat; all who are needy come and celebrate Passover." Although no one really expects the truly hungry to suddenly come rushing into their seders, the phrase is supposed to reign in the souls of those already present at the seder, helping them to concentrate on freeing themselves from their personal slavery. While we are no longer slaves in Egypt, we are still slaves to many things, including those on Rabbi Dovid's list (scars from the past that cripple us; fears that prevent us from opening our hearts; bad habits that waste our time and divert our energy; toxic relationships that we have become dependant on; negative attitudes that darken our vision; egotism and complacency that stunt our growth.) and many more. As a result, the invitation to the needy really means that we are inviting ourselves to come to the seder to experience freedom for the first time.

On this Passover, my favorite Jewish holiday, I will arrive at the Seder a very different person than I was last year. In addition to having lost 19.8lbs (as of this morning), I've grown spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. At this time last year, I was enslaved to unrequited feelings for another, jealousy, and other petty thoughts. More directly related to the Judaism (and our stereotypical love of bagels and shmear), I was enslaved to fulfilling myself with food instead of more meaningful "stuff." While I am by no means perfect and remain enslaved to many things, I am proud of the progress that I have made. The road ahead is long and winding, and I know that it won't be easy. Still, things seem to really be coming together, even despite the minor setbacks here and there. I have found fulfillment and meaning in new friendships, new passions and areas of interest, and in myself.

I can't wait to see how I feel a year from now. I raise a glass to pursuing freedom.

Un Besito Grandote,
A

"And I'll find strength in pain..."

Hey All,
Just thought I'd post a quick update before Shabbat, not that there's even that much that has changed since my last post. However, as Passover, one of the more important Jewish holidays, approaches and in the shadow of Purim, I am reminded of the extent to which Jews find their greatest strength in times of adversity. With my growing love for the gym, it has become difficult to not go on a daily basis. However, since finals are approaching, I'm trying really hard to figure out how to have a more flexible attitude toward working out, recognizing that it's not an all-or-nothing principle. I'm really looking forward to my workout tomorrow - going to run outside, weather-permitting, followed by a quick swim at ARC, just to switch things up a bit.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great week.

Besito,
A

"You are not invited to the other side of sanity..."

Today is the first entry in a while in which I won't be discussing the amount of weight I've lost. I haven't weighed myself since sometime last week, and I'm feeling both insane and happier at the same time. The end of last week was a bit crazy because of an M&A assignment that was due on Friday coupled with the fact that I was heading to Chicago after classes on Friday afternoon, which meant that weighing myself was the last thing on my mind. As I drove to West Rogers Park for my Maimonides Shabbaton, I rocked out to my music, screaming it at the top of my lungs. None of you should laugh - I'm sure y'all do the same thing; you just don't tell people about it on your blog. :) I say, NO GUTS, NO GLORY! Anyway, after many rounds of Kesha, Britney, Katy Perry, and Rihanna, among others, I somehow arrived in West Rogers Park after a short 2.5 hours. Although I always enjoy Shabbat, this particular Shabbat was very moving for me. Rather than focusing on the hunger in my stomach or the craziness that is my daily existence, I really entered a state of extreme self-inspection, thinking only about what I was doing at that very moment and about the people around me. It was incredible to, almost in the snap of my fingers, forget about everything not physically in front of me or unrelated to Shabbat...at least, until I went to sleep that night.

I spent almost all of Saturday celebrating the upcoming nuptials of my close family friend, Ashley. My mom and a few other hostesses threw a beautiful bridal shower in her honor and her friends organized a fun, entertaining, and elegant bachelorette party at night - including a fantastic drag show at Baton! One of the cross-dressers did an amazing dance to E.T. by Katy Perry, which I continue to think about as I've now listened to the song twenty times on my computer, according to iTunes. Yikes!!!

After getting home around 2am from the bachelorette party, I spent most of the morning catching up on my sleep before heading to my Maimonides graduation. At the ceremony, I was given the honor of speaking to my peers, and, despite my public speaking background, I choked up. I started to feel the tears coming out of my eyes and the blood rushing to my face. I'm still not sure what caused me to be so incredibly emotional, other than perhaps the great power and mysterious ways of Hashem. The fascinating thing is that I still am feeling quite emotional, as though I'm ready to break out into a random dance or cry at any moment. Kinda nuts. Overall, however, I've been much happier since graduation than I was in the weeks and months leading up to it. Wherever this feeling comes from, I'm happy to hold onto it for as long as possible.

In any case, I guess I ought to get back to that silly obligation called studying. :(

Will write soon!

Besito,
A

Getting there...

Sorry for the long delay in updating, but, unfortunately, there hasn't been much about which to update. For several weeks now, I've not lost much weight (down 16.2lbs in total), although my mom assures me that I am losing inches. It's frustrating to not have much in the way of quantitative verification of my achievements, but I do realize that this process is about much more than numbers on a scale. There are other quantitative and qualitative changes that are going on in my body - my body fat is decreasing, my heart is not working as hard, and I am also able to run much faster. The latter is very clearly apparent. I started this process running a 15minute mile, and my best mile thus far has been 9:20. I also find that running the bases in softball doesn't leave me winded anymore, and both my hitting and throwing have improved, likely because of the arm and strength training exercises I have been doing. Although I am proud of these accomplishments and the kind words from friends and family help me to keep on going when I question what the point is (YES, KEEP THEM COMING!), I am excited about something else this week...

A friend of mine from the law school, who happens to be sitting across from me right now, has started going to the gym with me. She is simply amazing! On her first days in the gym, she worked harder than I did during my first month, and I know that she is already on her way toward great things, especially in the area of her fitness. I am personally very excited for her because she was inspired by my journey and decided that she wanted to both be a part of it and to have her own. Doing this together, even if only sporadically, brings me tremendous joy. In this way, my journey transcends the bounds of my own body, and I hope that others will join us in our quest for well-being - physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Here's to us!

(Sorry if that was self-indulgent, but I'm just so excited for my new exercise buddy - she knows who she is :) ).

Besito,
A

"Never felt like this before...watch me move, when I lose, when I lose it hard."

I just returned from Spring Break, and what was my immediate thought? I can't wait to weigh myself tomorrow. Hah. What a ridiculous person I've become, but ridiculous, in this case, is good. Break was pretty relaxing, spent most of the time just hanging out and doing some exercise, including walking around the mall and the Botanic Gardens with my mom to switch things up just a bit. While I did log my calories and even burned 700calories in one night, I only lost 0.8lbs this week. At the same time, that 0.8lbs put me over the 15lb mark, for a total of 15.4lbs. It's clear to me that the process is slowing down, which makes it more difficult to find the motivation, but I am determined. I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT! I've come too far to stop now. Even though I'm losing an average of 1lb/week now, given the many weeks when I didn't lose anything, that's fine. It will come off when it's ready. Still, I'm ready for the challenge. Most of the time, the things we want in life aren't easy, which makes them all the more enjoyable when we get them. In any case, I hope I can jumpstart the weightloss a little this week and lose 1.6lbs this week so that my middle number will go down. It's the little things that count, right?

Besito,
A

"I Just Can't Get Enough"

It's simply amazing the way that a week can change a mindset. Re-reading my last post, I can say that I am in a much better place right now. Between finishing my Law Review note, breaking the two-week weightloss plateau, and making it to Spring Break, among others, I feel rejuvenated. For the first time this semester, I didn't go to Shabbat this week and instead went out with a bunch of friends to the infamous White Horse (a.k.a White Ho). After spending so many weekends not going out, I think I forgot how much fun it is to just hang out and chat with people - especially people that you don't see often. Unsurprisingly, there are some incredible people here. In addition to the fun (and sometimes serious) conversations, I was pleasantly surprised that people noticed my weightloss. Although this journey is entirely about me getting healthier and looking more like the way I feel, it is incredibly rewarding for people to notice the progress that you've made.

In reflecting upon this week and the questions posed in my post from last week, I may not be able to describe exactly what I want and may not always know where I fit in, I can say this: to some extent, being and causing others to be happy is an essential purpose of my life. I was really happy last night, and I hope that I caused some people to be happy. :)

Gotta go get ready for my high school-style sleepover tonight. More on that later.

Besito,
A

Spending the Afternoon with Me

Before I begin this post, I want to warn y'all that what follows is not a typical post for me. If you want to read more about my weight loss and running, check back next week. Today's post is about the afternoon I've been spending with myself, my reflections on life, friendship, and the world. If you don't want to read about that, I'm sorry (and also slightly confused as to why you would be reading my blog anyway). However, if you do care about these things, please feel free to read any or all of what follows...

When I admit to people that philosophy was one of my majors in college, I am often met with a puzzling grimace. The facially expression suggests that they had a particular dislike for the subject due, in most cases, to the fact that they didn't understand it or felt that it was impractical, unlike the Classics, by which I mean no offense to Classics majors. I wholeheartedly concede that my philosophy degree may not be practical in the sense of "applicable to everyday life." However, my philosophy courses taught me perhaps the most valuable skill that I have - thinking, analyzing, explaining, questioning, and reconsidering. As I sit at Starbucks, passing the afternoon with myself, I have experienced a full range of emotions, both good and bad. In particular, I've been asking myself an all-encompassing question, what do I want? In a related way, I've been considering exactly where I fit in - in a social, religious, and professional sense.

There are many reasons that I am engaging in such intense introspection, a few of which have already been mentioned in previous posts. While life is often described as a journey, I started a mini-journey this year that will likely change me for the years and decades to come. In the past five months, I have experienced significant losses in my life - with two friendships turning to anger and then vanishing. As a person who tries to live without regret, the aforementioned is difficult for me to deal with. I understand that some friendships come and go, no matter how great they seem at the outset. However, I have been given pause to consider why these relationships ended, though I have reached no conclusions as of yet. It saddens me to think that, as one former friend put it, we've grown apart because I am a "narcissistic b----." I truly hope that what he said isn't true. Nonetheless, it is something for me to keep in mind and to constantly fight against. I can and hopefully will continue to become a better person throughout this journey. I only hope that I don't disappoint myself and others or lose more friends along the way.

Given that this is a public forum, I will stop there. Hope this entry wasn't too depressing or philosophical. I'm going to go back to my coffee now, but I hope to write something more uplifting in the coming days.

Besito,
A

Moving Along

So, it's been almost a week since I've posted. There've been several ups and downs, both with associated benefits and consequences. On the upside (or downside, depending upon how you look at it), I have lost another pound - bringing me to a total of 14.6lbs. I can feel the weight loss slowing a bit, which would normally discourage me, but I feel invigorated. I keep running into some of my favorite people at the law school when I go to the ARC, so I almost feel like it's a social network of which I am a member. At the same time, I find myself telling people that the purpose of this whole journey isn't just to lose weight. Yes, it's amazing to put on my tightest pair of jeans and realize that I can now take them off without unbuttoning them (happened today), but this experience is so much more than that. It's about being healthy - in body, mind, and spirit. I've been enriching my body through gym visits 3-5 times a week, mainly focusing on running and weight lifting. I'm hoping to do some swimming in order to switch it up, but it's so much easier for me to think about how each run is contributing toward my training for the 8K and eventual half-marathon. Still, I know that my knees and calves would be happy to have a day off.

As I mentioned before, this has become a wellness project, which includes much more than just having a healthy body. I've been enriching my mind and spirit by reading about health and attending a religious class each week. I've been doing a lot of thinking and reassessing, figuring out exactly what it is that I want. While I'm still the same bubbly me, I take myself and my values much more seriously than I did last year or even last semester. I've found that this experience can sometimes be pretty isolating - I don't eat the same things as my friends often do, and I don't feel a desire to eat out at restaurants. While I do still have fun in social settings, my mindset is different. It's silly to admit, but I've realized that the marginal rate of return on drinking alcoholic beverages is not very high. If i'm going to ingest empty calories, I think I'd rather have a Twix bar or a cupcake - the sugar tastes great! At the same time, I need to strike a healthier balance between Alyse pre-January 3 and since then. This journey toward wellness has become all-consuming, and I don't want it to become the only thing that I do or that I care about. Unfortunately, law school isn't much of a diversion - when the stress sets in, I just feel like going to work out. Not so helpful. Hopefully, Spring Break will allow me to relax and think a bit more about this whole plan, figuring out how to bring back some features of the old me while looking and feeling the way that I want to be.

Besito,
A

Today Marks the Day!

As I write this post, I'm sitting in bed, somewhat under the weather. I have spent most of the past 24 hours doing exactly that - sitting in a bed, trying to recover from a nasty cold. Although my head feels like soup and has felt that way for 2-3 days now, I decided that I would go to the gym on Thursday night in order to "sweat out" the cold. While I'm not sure that my exercise cured me, it momentarily cleared up my nose and took the pressure off my face. In addition, it caused me to have some very exciting news - I am officially down 13.6lbs off of the high. That means that I'm about 1/3 of the way to my goal. Pretty exciting, right?

In addition to meeting a milestone, the weight loss also means that I am no longer part of the obesity problem in the United States. Although BMI calculators are not 100% accurate because of the differences between people's bodies (e.g., such a calculator would indicate that Michael Jordan was obese even though, in reality, his BMI is probably in one of the best categories that exists), I'm excited because, for the first time, I'm not obese. According to the CDC, 26.5% of people in Illinois are obese. Today, I'm proud to say that I'm not one of them, and I hope that I never am again.

Sorry for the short post. I'm going to go celebrate this news by making some eggs. :)

Besito,
A

Many Things to Celebrate...and some to reign in

With WLS Symposium now in the rearview mirror, among many other crazy commitments this semester, I am excited to really be narrowing my focus. This past week and the craziness of making Symposium a two-day event with six speaking events in total (as opposed to a one-day event with one panel featuring two speakers) was a labor of love and, hopefully, one that people enjoyed. We had several distinguished guests who spoke on different aspects of Equality (gender, racial, political, etc.). We heard some things we already knew, and we also learned some new things. We heard some things that were incredibly outrageous, both good and bad. In the end, we learned by listening and continue to learn by discussing these speeches even the day after the event came to its eventual conclusion. In a word, it was intense. I spent 12 hours each day of Symposium simply being at the school - for a total of 24hours over the course of two days. Yikes!

Inevitably, the desire to make Symposium as professional as it could be had a negative impact on my workout/weightloss goal for the week. While I'm still down 10lbs from when I started, I started the week down 12.6. I know that I shouldn't beat myself up over it, and I don't plan on it. However, it is somewhat upsetting for me to realize the relative ease with which I can gain weight compared to the relative difficulty entailed in losing weight. The challenge, however, inspires me. I started the day by eating the things that I usually do, the things I associate with the journey I am currently on, the journey to looking more like myself. Thankfully, lunchtime today revealed that I haven't lost my willpower - I refused one of my absolute favorite sweets (funfetti cake with funfetti frosting). So, I remain committed. I hope that next time I write I'll have more uplifting and fewer disappointing news bits to share. I raise a giant glass of water to the next 5lbs! (Here's hoping, anyway).

In the meantime, here is a list of quotes that inspire me:


You want me to do something... tell me I can't do it. -Maya Angelou

Pain is temporary, pride is forever - Unknown

How am I to know what I can achieve if I quit? - Jason Bishop

Today I will do the things that other people won't, so tomorrow I can do the things that other people can't - Unknown

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift - Steve Prefontaine

Even in the most difficult situation there is always, somehow, a way to triumph - Ralph Marston

Where the loser saw barriers, the winner saw hurdles - Robert Brault

Winners have simply formed the habit of doing things losers don't like to do - Albert Gray

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit - Aristotle

Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit - Vince Lombardi

It's been quite some time and a few pounds ago...

So, I haven't really posted on this site in a while. Although I make no promises to post regularly, I do hope to use it more often than never. Given the amount of time that has passed since I last wrote, significant updates are in order.

I came home from Argentina, sadly. It was a phenomenal experience, and I miss most of the people that I met during my time there. The only thing I don't miss - the amount of weight that I gained while there and the extent to which Buenos Aires does not serve vegetables.

Post-Argentina, I scurried back to Chicago for a few days before flying off to New York for my first interview for a 2L Summer Job. It was exciting stuff. I guess you can say that I was in the "New York State of Mind" while I was there, and I truly loved getting to know the city a little bit better, especially by hanging out with my cousin, my law/life mentor, and one of my sorority sisters. Throughout the three weekends I was there, I got to live a relatively glamorous life - even staying at one hotel that faced Times Square and was right next to the place where they film Good Morning America.

In addition to my interviews in New York, I spent several weekends interviewing in Chicago, probably more than I should have. It was great to meet so many great people and to have a genuine understanding of the differences both between firms in NY v. Chicago and between firms within a city. I had some really entertaining conversations with interviewers, including several in which the other person came out to me. Pretty random. In any case, it was a great experience, despite the fact that it detracted from my schoolwork. :(

The rest of first semester was rather uneventful. My classes were okay for the most part, but I was somewhat burnt out. I pushed through it and finally made it to the end of the semester. I spent some time at home before heading off to Hawaii with my best friend and his family. Even though it was only 5 days, it was exactly what I needed - once again, minus the weight that I gained while there, but whatever! It was my vacation, and it was the first time that I didn't think about law school during an entire week. I came back from the sunshine and fun times with a little bit more happiness, minus the fact that I had returned to freezing temperatures and spending significant time in the hospital while my dad was recovering from a hip replacement that he had had while I was gone. Nonetheless, it was really great to feel useful and closer to my parents than ever. While I won't go as far as to say that I enjoyed the endless hours at the hospital, I did find joy in the little moments - e.g., seeing my dad walk normally for the first time in over a year.

After a brief break, I returned early to school for two intersession classes - International Business Transactions and Private International Law. I really enjoyed both classes and was glad to get 3-credits out of the way in such a short amount of time. More importantly, however, than the classes, I started a new journey during those two weeks. Given the weight gain from Argentina and Hawaii, I decided I needed to make a change. This one's for real. I have set out to lose 42lbs in 2011. Why 42lbs? Because I want to be at an acceptable weight for my height and gender. Do I know whether, given my bone structure and wide hips, I can achieve that goal? No. Still, it's a goal that challenges me and that will stay with me until I get any kind of confirmation that I cannot actually achieve it. So far, I've lost 9.8lbs since January 3. I'm doing it very slowly so that my body doesn't yo-yo back to where I started. I'm pretty sure that this is the lightest I've been since the beginning of high school, at the very least. I'm starting to feel very good about my journey, even though I strained something in my foot last week. Still, I'm sticking with it because I am training for the Turkey Trot (8K) in November. I'm incredibly motivated, and I hope that this will be a significant life change.

That's all for now.

Besito,

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