Spending the Afternoon with Me

Before I begin this post, I want to warn y'all that what follows is not a typical post for me. If you want to read more about my weight loss and running, check back next week. Today's post is about the afternoon I've been spending with myself, my reflections on life, friendship, and the world. If you don't want to read about that, I'm sorry (and also slightly confused as to why you would be reading my blog anyway). However, if you do care about these things, please feel free to read any or all of what follows...

When I admit to people that philosophy was one of my majors in college, I am often met with a puzzling grimace. The facially expression suggests that they had a particular dislike for the subject due, in most cases, to the fact that they didn't understand it or felt that it was impractical, unlike the Classics, by which I mean no offense to Classics majors. I wholeheartedly concede that my philosophy degree may not be practical in the sense of "applicable to everyday life." However, my philosophy courses taught me perhaps the most valuable skill that I have - thinking, analyzing, explaining, questioning, and reconsidering. As I sit at Starbucks, passing the afternoon with myself, I have experienced a full range of emotions, both good and bad. In particular, I've been asking myself an all-encompassing question, what do I want? In a related way, I've been considering exactly where I fit in - in a social, religious, and professional sense.

There are many reasons that I am engaging in such intense introspection, a few of which have already been mentioned in previous posts. While life is often described as a journey, I started a mini-journey this year that will likely change me for the years and decades to come. In the past five months, I have experienced significant losses in my life - with two friendships turning to anger and then vanishing. As a person who tries to live without regret, the aforementioned is difficult for me to deal with. I understand that some friendships come and go, no matter how great they seem at the outset. However, I have been given pause to consider why these relationships ended, though I have reached no conclusions as of yet. It saddens me to think that, as one former friend put it, we've grown apart because I am a "narcissistic b----." I truly hope that what he said isn't true. Nonetheless, it is something for me to keep in mind and to constantly fight against. I can and hopefully will continue to become a better person throughout this journey. I only hope that I don't disappoint myself and others or lose more friends along the way.

Given that this is a public forum, I will stop there. Hope this entry wasn't too depressing or philosophical. I'm going to go back to my coffee now, but I hope to write something more uplifting in the coming days.

Besito,
A