"When you're standing at a crossroads"

The latest news: I don't need surgery (for the moment).

I had yet another doctor's appointment (my fifth in nine days), and I was told that the MRI, which detects 85% of labral tears, shows that I don't have one. Although there's still a 15% chance that I have one, the doctor recommended against surgery because, if the labrum is in tact, then the condition I have should be resolved in other ways--namely, physical therapy. I'm not sure exactly how to take this news. On the one hand, avoiding surgery is good because anything I do will be less invasive and likely less costly. On the other hand, I doubt that physical therapy will be effective, and I don't see this condition, Femoroacetabular Impingement (FAI), going away on its own, given the structural overgrowth. I also don't think that I can continue to live with this pain and the unpredictable impact it has on my ability to be active. In short, it's getting old. In this way, surgery would be a somewhat nice resolution to the problem because it would be tangible and swift. So the news is neither good nor bad.

For the moment, I'm awaiting another opinion from my rheumatologist about the aforementioned possibility of steroid treatment. I'm hopeful that something good will come of all my visits to these doctors, even if it is a firm conclusion that I just have to live with this junk.

Besito,
A

"You gotta keep your head up..."

It's only 10:30pm, and this night owl is very tired. Why? I guess it's probably related to the early doctor's appointments I've had these past two days. Today, I returned to the same office as yesterday in order to meet with yet another doctor--a rheumatologist. She was incredibly kind and very personal, which made the super early appointment a bit more bearable. She wasn't able to pull up my x-rays from yesterday, but she seemed to think that it would be a good idea for me to have steroid treatments for one week before deciding on the surgery one way or the other. She said she has had some success treating people with this kind of a problem in that way, which would allow me to avoid surgery entirely. To that end, she is having a bunch of blood tests run on me to eliminate certain blood conditions that could cause this problem (e.g., rheumatoid arthritis), and I will have another appointment with her in the new year.

Despite all of that craziness and the fact that I'm tired, I just can't seem to will myself to sleep. I guess, to some extent, I'm looking forward to and fearful of what tomorrow holds. At a more reasonable hour, I'm going to have a trial injection in my hip (to see if Option #2 is even viable) followed by a MRI-anthrogram. I'm not exactly sure how this MRI will be different than the one I had, but, when I googled it, the images looked pretty cool. The aforementioned notwithstanding, my emotions are a mixture of excitement over the possibility that I might feel better, even if only temporarily, and fear of the possible pain and immobility that I will likely suffer for 48-hours after the injection. Keep your fingers crossed!

More updates soon...

Besito,
A

"U Got It Bad"

This is probably one of the toughest posts I've written, given the news I received this morning. After much pain and frustration over my leg/hip, I decided to have a follow-up appointment with my cousin. He took another look at my x-rays and recommended that I see another orthopedic surgeon and a rheumatologist. This morning, I went back and saw the orthopedic surgeon, who ordered additional x-rays of both sides, given that the left is also hurting these days. Upon examining the images and doing a physical examination of my range of motion, the doctor concluded that I have difficulty with inflection, among other things. He believes that the cause of these problems is an overgrowth of my hip socket along with potential problems relating to the position of the cartilage. For this kind of an issue, there are three potential treatment options--1. Change my lifestyle so as to avoid things that hurt, 2. injections of lidocaine, or 3. surgery to shave down the overgrowth and assess the condition of the cartilage. For those of you who have read this blog since January 3, the start of my weightloss journey, you know that number 1 is not an option. At this age, I am too young to give up everything, and I won't settle for that. Number two sounds more appealing and less invasive, but the doctor says that it may only relieve a small portion of the pain and is not sustainable because, over time, the injections will have less and less of an effect. Now, I'm really left with option 3. While it sounds like the best option available, the doctor warned me that, it may only relieve 70-80% of the pain and that, depending upon the condition of my cartilage, I may never be able to run again. Although I can deal with the idea of having some residual pain, the thought of never running again is really heartbreaking. So much of the person I've become is attributable to my new-found passion for running. He said that I would be able to elliptical and do other activities, but I just don't think it'll be the same. In any case, that's getting ahead of things, given that I still have to get an MRI to confirm the doctor's diagnosis, and I am also going to get a second opinion from a rheumatologist.

Still, I am incredibly blessed to have a wonderful, supportive group of people on my team--both friends and family. Thank you all for sticking with me during this difficult time. You carry me through times like these with your optimism and good wishes. I appreciate it more than you know.

Much love,
A

"I Like it Like That..."

It's amazing the way that a day can change a mindset. That sounds really stupid, but my injury has given me cause to reflect on the way that so much happens in 24-hours. Yesterday, my leg was bothering me in a way that it hasn't for several weeks. I was somewhat down, thinking about the fact that I've really done everything I can think of to make this healing process go more smoothly. I've done physical therapy for twice as long as they claim would have been necessary, I've stopped doing physical therapy, I've prayed, I've rested for days at a time, I've done light activity, I've jogged/walked a 5K, I've stretched, yada yada yada. You get the picture. The point is that it seems like there's no rhyme or reason for my leg hurting or not hurting, as the days go by. It's random. In law school and in my life generally, I operate on the assumption that most things can be explained by logic, which is what makes this injury so troubling. A friend tried to cheer me up yesterday by reminding me that I'll pull through it simply because that's what I do. I appreciated the thought, but I also told him that I was pretty much giving up.

Fast forward to today.

I woke up and started off the day on a really positive note. For the first time in a while, I rolled over while in bed and didn't feel any shooting pains. Strange, I thought. After I dragged myself out of bed, I got on the scale for the first time in weeks, and I had lost 1.6 lbs. I'm not sure if that was the result of not really eating yesterday due to my hip pains and consequent lack of mobility or something magical in the Insomnia Cookie I ate last night, but I'll take it. Next, I walked down the stairs and noticed that my leg wasn't having its regular issues. The aforementioned notwithstanding, it's not perfect, but, compared to yesterday, today is amazing. Add to that a study break to eat dinner (and more cookies) while catching up with a friend who I hadn't talked to in a while...recipe for awesome. It's weird for me to think that these two consecutive days have been opposite extremes, and I'm just hoping that tomorrow doesn't switch back to the bad side. Here's hoping this is a positive trend and doesn't have a sudden crash. Maybe the solution is to get Tim Tebow to pray for my leg...I wonder if it works that way. Hmmm...

On that note, back to my silly take-home exam.

Hope y'all are doing well.


Un besito muy grande,
A

"Nothing you confess could make me love you less...I'll stand by You..."

As I write this new entry, my blog has had nearly 5100 hits since its inception in May 2010. For some reason, you all keep on reading this thing. I guess that means that you think I have something interesting/stupid/funny/(insert other self-deprecating adjective) to say. I'm honored. I know that not all of my posts have been uplifting or enlightening and not all of them have been altogether that interesting--I mean, how many times can you read about me losing or gaining 0.2lbs and getting excited about baby steps? Nevertheless, y'all have stuck with me through this process, and I hope you're along for the long ride. There's still a lot more ahead...starting with the stories and musings below...

Today, I'm happy. I'm not exactly sure why. Well, to be fair, there are some things that explain at least some portion of my cheery mood...

1. I jogged/walked a 5K today in the Jingle Bell 5K Run/Walk. Unlike the Hot Chocolate Race from a few weeks ago, I actually jogged some parts of this one. I kinda had to, given how cold it was today. Nevertheless, it felt good just to be out there. As a result of my odd jog/walk combination, I found myself slightly ahead of the slowest runners but also behind the pack of competitive runners. It was an interesting position because I could have easily slowed down even though so much lay ahead of me. Instead, I kept mentally pushing myself, even when my legs wouldn't go. The race was really a good time for self-reflecting...thinking about where I've been, where I'm going, and what I want. On the top of that list, of course, I want my hip/leg to get better. It and I have been through a lot of ups and downs, and I look forward to being able to really run again...soon, hopefully.

2. There have been some really positive things that have occurred with my friends. Without naming names, a lot of people have touched me recently. They have gone out of their way to make me feel special, through Starbucks dates or through conversations reaffirming our friendship. It sounds really sappy and perhaps even a bit cliche, but there is something to the fact that the low points in life are better when we are carried by our friends. As much as I find joy in helping others, especially my friends, it has been nice to feel surrounded by people who have taken the time to help me or to reaffirm my thoughts about myself. To those of you who have done this, I cannot tell you how thankful I really am.

On that note, I will close this post with a single thought--despite the fact that I have changed a lot (and hopefully for the better) since I started this blog, I know that I am not yet perfect. Coach Gaines, in the movie Friday Night Lights, says "[b]eing perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didn't let them down, because you told them the truth. And that truth is that you did everything that you could. There wasn't one more thing that you could've done." I welcome the opportunity to be better...to be a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter, and, all around, a better person. I hope that you will help me determine how to do that. In exchange, I promise to stand by you...my loyalty, my honesty, and my friendship. Deal?

To all of my law school friends using this as a study break, I hope you've enjoyed this, and I wish you all good luck on finals.

Un besito,
Doble A